Jerkypants

My head just exploded from cute overload. I don’t know how I’m typing this. I wonder if they are eating Purina Panda Chow.

After years of development hell, The Green Hornet is finally coming to the big screen starring… SETH ROGEN? As The Green Hornet himself, Britt Reid?

Apparently it was because of Rogen’s attachment to the project that a big studio (Sony) finally put its full weight behind the production. Kudos to Seth Rogen for using his star power to bring Green Hornet to the screen. But seriously… Seth Rogen as The Green Hornet?

OK let’s see. Britt Reid is a debonair, daring, young newspaper publisher. He goes to to toe with thugs and hardened criminals and prevails because he is shrewd, calculating, and possesses serious survival skills and physical prowess. Based on the trailer, it looks like Seth Rogen’s Green Hornet prevails — or survives — only because of the superior acumen of Kato. That scenario might work as a comic caper movie, but please don’t call it The Green Hornet.

Seriously, Seth, couldn’t you have gracefully bowed out of the starring role and served as executive producer or something? Maybe play a wacky best friend to Britt Reid? Please tell me that you tried to, but that Sony would only pony up the cash if you stepped in to star. Otherwise I may have to assume that you are just another victim of Hollywood ego inflation.

Finding the balance between comedy movie and action movie is risky and fails most of the time. Robert Downey, Jr. finds a near-perfect pitch in Iron Man because A) he is physically believable as the dynamic Tony Stark and B) he is an incredibly gifted actor. Seth Rogen, you are a funny dude, but you are no Robert Downey, Jr.

Unfortunately, judging by the trailer, it looks like Seth is taking a classic and beloved property and squishing and smashing it through a Pineapple Express-shaped cookie cutter. That is unfortunate because the resulting movie may turn out to be passably entertaining, middling fare, but it won’t be the treatment that The Green Hornet deserves.

Peyton, you just say “no” to Shoulder Sean. Nobody puts Bebe in a corner. Or stops Bebe from eating the brownie corner. Mmm… corner.

peytonjayne:

Is it wrong to eat a cheesecake brownie for breakfast? The little Sean on my shoulder says, “No! El Bebe needs fruit and veggies and cereal.” But I seem to be selectively deaf today.

Dear Mr. Switkin,

You don’t know me, and I don’t know you, but your image is now out there in a YouTube video being seen by millions, so whether you like it or not, people everywhere will, in a way, be looking to you for guidance. In both obvious and subtle ways. So I ask for your patience and for you to consider my unsolicited but sincerely heart-felt advice.

You are obviously an intelligent and talented engineer with a promising career in front of you. And you are a handsome man, no doubt about it. For those reasons, I implore you: Please update your hair style for the 21st century. A pony tail on a man broadcasts a silent but sure message that he is as relevant to today’s world as a brick-sized cell phone or an AOL email address. Your engineering ideas at Google are obviously futuristic and cutting-edge, but your public persona is stuck in the past as solidly as a frozen caveman. So please, for you, for me, and for men everywhere, please cut off that pony tail.

Sincerely,
Rene Flores

These images are so fucking brilliant. The design aesthetic is spot-on (trust me, I actually REMEMBER 1977), and the ad copy is just plain hilarious.